Authenticity

What is it to be oneself, at one with oneself, or truly representing one’s self?

One of my favourite writers and thinkers in this area of work is Virginia Satir. She is typically known for being one of the pioneers of family systems therapy and the creator of the human validation process model. I was given her book ‘the Satir Model’ when I started off in my training and couldn’t put it down. She was ahead of her time, leaning into love and shedding light on its role in the therapy room. As a humanist, like Rogers and Maslow, she believed that people have an internal drive that propels them to become more fully human. She empowered each unique individual to connect with their own authentic, inner wisdom.

She defined an authentic person as

someone who appreciates uniqueness; flows with interpersonal energy; willing to take risks and be vulnerable; open to intimacy; feels free to accept themselves and others; loves themselves and others; and are also flexible and self-aware.

She spoke about how people often cope with their problems by developing four maladaptive survival stances: (1) Placating; (2) Blaming; (3) Super-reasonable; and (4) Irrelevant. She observed that people learn to deny certain parts of themselves, particularly through the senses, in order to survive the difficulties in their reality.

She designed the Five Freedoms as affirmative rules to connect people to their body and self in the present moment, and focus their attention on their inner resources and their current creative choices.

The Five Freedoms:

1️⃣The freedom to see and hear what is here, instead of what “should” be, was, or will be.

2️⃣The freedom to say what you feel and think, instead of what you “should” feel and think.

3️⃣The freedom to feel what you feel, instead of what you “ought” to feel.

4️⃣The freedom to ask for what you want, instead of always waiting for permission.

5️⃣The freedom to take risks on you own behalf, instead of choosing to be only secure.

It isn't always easy to live authentically. However, in the long run, it's likely to open up many more opportunities. If you are interested in Virginia Satir, I would encourage you to take a look at her poem I Am Me.